Your NUTs are trying to tell you something. You’d be wise to listen.
Got an itch?
There’s something bugging you. And it’s annoying, but you can’t quite put your finger on it. Is it anxiety? Is it depression? You can’t quite tell.
If this sounds familiar, it may be your NUTs. But what are NUTs? And what can you do about them? First of all, NUTs are
Negative Unconscious Thought s. I first became familiar with the concept several years ago through PhD author Elisha Goldstein.
And here’s the concept: you’ve got thoughts swirling around in your head that you don’t even know are there. Thoughts like, “You’re an idiot.” Or, “This will never work.” Where do these thoughts come from? Sources vary. But they’re there. And we all have them. And they can seriously mess you up. Partly because they’re negative. And partly because they’re unconscious. Because you don’t even know they’re there. But they’re sabotaging your day, nonetheless.
So what can you do?
Scratch your NUTs.
But how can you get at those tricky, negative thoughts? Because after all, they’re
inside your head. And you’re not even sure exactly what those negative thoughts are. Here’s how — by free writing.
If you’ve read my blog in the past, you know that I am a strong advocate of writing. And the most powerful writing you can do is called free writing. And part of the beauty of free writing is that you write for a set period of time. It can be 2 minutes or two hours, but it’s limited. And it’s continuous, so it shuts down your internal editor. In other words, it doesn’t matter if you spell correctly, or even if you make sense. You just write. And when you do this free writing, you suddenly start to see the stuff that’s in your head. That’s right — your NUTs. Stuff that’s been hiding in there. But now it’s out in the open where you can see it and work with it.
So in the context of scratching your NUTs, what this means is that you get those unconscious thoughts out into the light of day. And you may be surprised by what you find when you do this.
For example: You don’t feel good. So you set aside ten minutes for free writing. You set the timer, skeptical that this will be helpful. But as you write, you suddenly realize that although you thought you were heading out into an ordinary day, you’re actually deeply pissed about what your partner said at the party last night. So now you see why you’ve been feeling bad this morning. And yes — now you’ve got some shit to deal with. But at least now you can smell it.
So what are you waiting for?
It only takes a few minutes, and can save you hours of wasted time and energy. Just pull out a sheet of paper or open up a document on your computer and start with this prompt: “
What’s the problem?” And if you’d like help with this, or have questions about the process, or just want to talk — feel free to drop me a line at email@example.com. As a seasoned men’s life coach, I’ve helped hundreds of men with the very same things that you’re struggling with today. And I’d be glad to walk you through the process and help you get going again. So don’t wait. Get started now.
The kind of son you are determines more about you than you may think.
You once were a little son.
Which means that you had parents.
And you still do.
And this is true whether or not they are still alive.
Or whether you knew them — or not — as a child.
Or whether you are still in contact with them — or not — and with what frequency, if you are.
Because the fact is that you were once a little son.
But now, you’re a grown up son.
And here’s where it gets a wee bit tricky.
Because now that you’re a grown man, you may think that the boy of the past is in the past.
Which would be a mistake.
But a common mistake.
In fact, many men are walking around today actually thinking that they’ve left that little boy behind.
But you know better than that, right?
So what’s the point?
And here’s the point —
Life is a negotiation.
Everything you do in this life will be a negotiation —
Sometimes with someone else —
But always with yourself.
Did I just say you always negotiate with yourself?
Does that sound a little weird?
But it’s true.
Because before you can negotiate with anyone else — you have an internal negotiation with yourself.
And that internal dialogue will determine, in large part, how you interact with others —
And how well.
With everyone from your boss to your spouse to the person you just passed on the street corner.
The point is negotiation.
So think for a moment:
What was negotiation like with my parents?
Was I treated as a person of value?
Or was I made to feel inferior — and to doubt myself?
And most importantly — did I come to realize that I was an equal negotiating partner?
Which I realize may seem like an odd thing to say about your relationship with a parent.
But it’s important to consider.
So take the quiz.
I have a good relationship with my mother (T/F)
I have a good relationship with my father. (T/F)
I enjoy celebrating Mother’s Day. (T/F)
I enjoy celebrating Father’s Day. (T/F)
I can be honest with my mom. (T/F)
I can be honest with my dad. (T/F)
My Mom knows me and accepts me. (T/F)
My Dad knows me and accepts me. (T/F)
We could go on.
The point is — think about it.
Because your early relationship with your parents (or lack of relationship) still affects your relationships today.
And depending on what you learned from your early days, you may have learned that you are a
person of value.
And then, take the next step.
And here’s the good news.
Whether or not you learned at an early age to be an equal negotiating partner or not, the main thing is to take stock of where you are and where you want to go.
In other words, to think about who you are —
And who you want to be.
When it comes to learning to negotiate, you might take a look at a little book called
. Getting To Yes
And feel free to be in touch with me at
I can help you to improve your sense of self, and help you with the art of negotiation.
Do you know what your business is? And we’re not just talking about your job title. We’re talking about what you do best.
Stop messing around.
What you do for a living is essential to your well-being.
In fact, it’s one of the most significant indicators of happiness for men.
And yet, most men don’t really know what they do.
Because sure — you may know your job title.
Like when you’re at the party and someone says, “What do you do?”
And you say, “I’m an architect,” or “I’m a writer,” or “I’m a magician.”
But don’t confuse your job title for who you are and what you really do.
Because job titles are pretty hollow — even if they’re good ones.
So please watch this brief video, and ask yourself —
What business am I in?
Focus on your business.
So think about this —
Instead of thinking so much about your job title —
Think about what you’re best at.
Because maybe what you’re best at is conceptual thinking.
And maybe it’s leadership.
Or maybe it’s helping others think through a problem.
But whatever it is —
That’s your business.
Because what you’re best at is actually your business.
And if you do what you’re best at in the world —
Not matter what your job description is —
You are much more likely to be happy and fulfilled.
But what if you don’t know what you’re best at?
Time to find out.
There are many ways to assess your strengths.
One way to think about it is to consider your Hedge Hog Concept, as described by Jim Collins in his book . Good to Great
But an even easier, and more direct route is to take a brief quiz, called the Clifton Strengths Finder.
With the Strengths Finder, you can learn a lot about yourself in a short time.
You can check it out . here
And, as always —
If you’re wondering about how to determine what your business really is, feel free to be in touch with me at . firstname.lastname@example.org
Because my business — Is to help creative men like you do what you do best.
There is really only
one question you’ll ever need to answer. It’s really that simple. Because once you answer this one question, everything else will fall neatly and naturally into place. So if it’s so easy, why isn’t everyone asking — and answering — it? Because I never said it was easy — I just said it’s simple.
Is this where I belong?
Let’s say you had a hard day at work.
And you don’t feel like going back tomorrow.
Does that mean you should quit?
But not necessarily.
So ask the question:
? Is this where I belong
Because maybe the answer is no.
you don’t belong at this job.
But maybe the answer is yes.
you do belong at this job.
Let’s break it down.
Because maybe you had an absolutely shitty day at work.
. no one understood you
And I do mean no one.
In fact, here’s the feeling —
I feel like I was both under-appreciated and misunderstood — a double shot.
In fact, let’s make it a triple shot.
I was under-appreciated, misunderstood and underpaid.
Should I quit?
Ask the question.
Is this where I belong?
Because there are so many factors to answering this
one simple question.
For example —
I do belong at this job — for another six months.
(Ah — sometimes there is a time factor).
Because my partner is pregnant and I need to focus on keeping the homefront stable for the next six months.
But during the next six months, I am going to
work on a transition plan to get the hell out of here.
But maybe you just had a shitty day —
And in fact, this is a great job because it’s helping you to grow in ways that you need and want to grow.
So yes —
And I just need to take a shower, eat my dinner, go to bed and start fresh tomorrow.
Because maybe the best time to ask this question isn’t right after I’ve had what felt like the worst day of my life.
So here’s the bottom line.
But it is still the best question, and the one that you should be asking yourself every day.
Is this where I belong?
Because life is short, and you need to
be where you long to be.
who loves nothing more than helping smart, creative men — who feel a bit overwhelmed by life at the moment — men’s life coach
To break down what seems overwhelming into its component pieces and focus on what is — and what is not — important.
So if you send me a message — even if I don’t know you — to
I’ll be in touch.
Just tell me where you’re struggling —
And I’ll give you a place to
What do you make? Food? Films? Because despite what you may have heard, what you make is what — and who — you are.
Don’t look at me.
Because the fact is — you’re spending way too much time doing nothing.
Waiting to be discovered.
And getting further and further
Instead, look in the mirror.
Because as a smart, creative man, there is something you need to be making.
And it isn’t doing you any good to sit on your thumbs.
Nor is it doing us any good.
We need what you make.
Waiting for who knows what?
Take a good look.
So please do this — right now.
Take a look at the clock.
It’s not going backward, is it?
Time and tide wait for no man.
Which means that every minute of every day of every month — (you get the idea) —
That you’re not creating what you need to be creating, you’re
. losing time
And we are losing out on your best work.
So stop this madness.
And get busy making.
You saw that man at the top of this post?
Because you know him — but you don’t know him.
He is one of the most productive male voices of our time.
Robert Keith “Bobby” McFerrin Jr.
Or, more commonly known as Bobby McFerrin.
Were you to look at his biography, or his
, — discography
You would find that there has not been — nor is there now — a lot of moss growing under the feet of this guy.
Here’s a more recent photo.
He looks pretty happy.
And why not?
He’s had a productive life.
And he’s given us a lot of himself over the years.
He figured out what he makes — and got busy making it.
Because you are what you make.
So think about that for a moment, while you enjoy this —
And then get busy
what you do — doing
Making what you make.
And if you’d like some
with figuring out help making and doing — what you’re best at
Feel free to contact me at
Do you have the answer to this basic question? Because if you don’t, it’s no wonder you’re struggling so much.
Same old bull?
— the day begins
And let’s face it.
Because most days, when you wake up, it’s a less than delightful beginning.
But why is that — and what can you do to
Change it up.
Because the fact is —
You do need to change it up.
Because you’re a creative man.
And you might as well own that fact, or the rest won’t make much sense.
Because the fact is that you refuse to do life the way you’ve been told to do it.
In fact — in many ways, you’re
every day — creating your own world
Which isn’t easy.
Whether you work for yourself —
Or have found some way to work for yourself while working for someone else —
as you go. making it up
Which means that you don’t have easy, pat answers to most questions.
And that’s OK.
In fact, that’s good.
But what’s not good is that sick feeling in the pit of your stomach.
So how can you start your day — and keep going throughout your day — in a much better place?
First, answer this question.
And it’s a deceptively easy question.
Here it is —
Are you sure you’re ready?
“ What do I want?”
It’s such a simple
And yet, most mornings when you wake up that is not the first question you ask.
Instead, you ask this question:
“What do I have to get done today?”
Which is a bad beginning to a day in the life of any creative man.
Because when you begin the day with that question, you’ve already lost.
So what’s the answer?
So what’s the answer to that question?
What do I want?
Actually, your answer could be literally anything.
It could be: I want to make more money today.
Or it could be: I want more sex or relationship today.
It could literally be any statement of genuine want.
Because to prime the creative pump you need to get your want working —
If you want to get anything meaningful done today.
So try it.
And if you have any questions about how to prime the creative pump, feel free to contact me at . email@example.com
As a men’s life coach, it’s what I do all day every day.
I’d enjoy hearing from you, and I will respond with tools and ideas for you.