You want to speak confidently.
But you also don’t want to be a show-off. In fact, most of the people you admire tend to be a little bit unassuming. You may know the man pictured above: Abraham Lincoln. A rather shy, unassuming guy who nonetheless spoke with friends and enemies alike. He spoke to crowds, to individuals in positions of power and with the common foot soldier. Yet every person who came in contact with this man was moved by his quiet confidence.
So: first of all, you don’t have to be flashy to get your message across and connect deeply with others, whether you’re presenting to a tough audience or enjoying yourself at a party. In fact, there are only three elements to confident connection. Here they are.
Connect.
Who are we and why are we here?
This is the question you want to answer when speaking confidently with others. Instead of launching in with facts, cozy up. And a big part of cozying up is listening. Really listening. Not just nodding your head. Not just thinking about what you are going to say next. Real listening happens when you engage all of your senses and are genuinely curious about your conversation partner.
Teach.
Isn’t this interesting?
Highlight something of mutual interest to you and the person you’re speaking with. Don’t hold back. But what if you’re thinking: “I don’t have anything interesting to say.” First of all, you probably have lots of interesting things to say. Especially if you’ve been listening! You will usually have some connection to make with your conversation partner if you’ve really been listening. And even if you can’t think of anything super original right away, you can always underline what your partner has been saying, with your unique understanding of what you’ve heard. You would be amazed how helpful it is to reflect what someone has just said in a way that is fresh to their ears.
Express.
Wow. I felt that.
Because facts and ideas only go so far. Don’t forget to engage with your conversation partner emotionally. Really work to feel what they are feeling, and also to express your own real feelings. Again, don’t hold back from engaging with your conversation partners on an emotional level. This is what they will remember most: not how much you know, but how much you care.
Repeat.
Remember, confidence comes with repetition.
So instead of dreading those times when you are called upon to speak up and engage, set up another one! And another. Every time you make the conscious effort to speak up and engage with people, especially when it’s a difficult conversation, will be one step closer to being the confident conversationalist you dream of becoming.
The takeaway:
You don’t have to be flashy to speak confidently. Just remember to connect, teach, express and repeat!