Do you have trouble deciding what to do? Let’s face it. There are way too many things to figure out every day. But is there a trick to figuring these things out without all the fuss? Yes.

First, remember — you’re not alone.

Let’s say you just found out that you’re about to lose your job.

Or that you just realized that your relationship isn’t working.

And yes — it could be any one of a thousand things.

Because life is complicated.

And what often happens to men when their train goes off the rails is that they feel alone.

No one to talk to.

After all, it’s embarrassing to get caught off guard.

Or not to know what to do.

So the first thing to do when you’re feeling at a loss is to remember that you’re not alone.

There are literally men all around you who are feeling exactly the same way you are right now.

So even if it feels a little silly, go ahead and say this right now —

“I’m not alone.”

OK. What’s the next step?

Did that help, even if just a little?

OK.

What next?

The very next thing you need to do when you get to feeling overwhelmed is to write the problem down.

Seriously?

So I just found out that in two weeks I’m out of a job, and you want me to sit down and write?

Yes.

Well — you don’t have to sit down.

If you want to write standing up, by all means do that.

But yes — you need to start writing right away.

And you may object — how is that going to help?

Or you may think — writing isn’t doing anything productive.

I need to figure this out!

Exactly.

And the best way to figure it out is to get it out into the open.

Because your tendency will be to hide this shameful little fact in a deep, dark place.

No matter what you’re feeling overwhelmed about, your tendency will be to hide it until you figure it out.

But the problem is — while it’s hidden inside of you, it’s a lot more difficult to figure out.

And I know — you certainly don’t want to have to tell anyone just yet.

So, OK.

Don’t tell anyone else yet.

But tell yourself.

So do this now — whatever it is you’re trying to figure out — to make a decision about — write it down.

But how will this help me with deciding?

You’re about to find out the trick to figuring something out without all the fuss.

But first — did you do that?

Did you write down what the problem is — what you need to figure out?

If not, please take a moment to just write it down as best you can.

Doesn’t have to take a long time.

You can open up your phone or laptop or pad or just grab a sheet of paper or a napkin —

And write the problem down.

Because as soon as you get it out of your head and out into the open air, you will be on your way to figuring it out.

Whereas, the longer you wait — the longer you don’t get it out of your head — the worse it will get and the more time you will waste.

OK.

Did you write it down?

Now.

Look at what you’ve written.

It may look like gobbledygook.

Don’t worry.

The point is to get it out of your head and on to the page.

Because once it’s there, it’s no longer “you.”

It’s just a problem to be solved.

And this is the key.

Because as long as what you need to decide about is stuck inside of you, it’s almost impossible to decide wisely.

Why?

Because when it’s stuck inside of you there is way too much ego involved.

And you don’t have critical distance.

So how do I make the actual decision?

Now that the problem is outside of you and something you can look at —

It’s time to write down just two more things:

• What I want
• What I don’t want

Because as soon as you do that, you’ll be on your way to deciding.

Once you have it outside of you and you lay out what you want and what you don’t want, the key is to decide to do something — anything.

Because the actual act of deciding will give you confidence and courage.

And each step will lead you to the next step.

The key is to take a step.

Even if it’s just a small one.

Just one step that leads you to the next step.

Otherwise, you freeze up.

And the longer you’re frozen, the more your confidence and courage suffer.

So take a look at that list of what you want and don’t want, and decide to do something now.

And — if you are in the throes of a decision right now, and you’ve taken the above steps, and need help with the next step, write to me at mark@marknewtonpdx.com.

Otherwise, tune in next week.

We’ll pick it up from where we left off today.

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