Are you confusing a closed mindset (CMS) with confidence? You may think you’re being confident, when actually you’re closing off options which could helpful to you. Here’s how to tell the difference and what to do next.
What’s the difference?
Confidence thrives on openness. Think of confidence as a rain barrel open to the sky. Whenever it rains, the rain barrel fills up a little more. And this rain barrel is also open at the bottom, watering the garden as it fills. In other words, there is constant flow through the barrel. More rain coming in, and being distributed — so it doesn’t get stagnant.
Closed mindset, on the other hand, is, just like its name: closed. It’s like a rain barrel that’s already full, but this time it’s closed on the top and the bottom, so it just gets more and more stagnant as the water sits in there, without new water coming in or going out.
But how can you tell one from the other?
Check for freshness. When you say something, does it sound fresh and relevant? Or like something you decided a while ago, which you just keep repeating? Confidence will always sound and feel fresh and relevant, closely related to what is actually going on in the meeting or conversation. CMS, on the other hand, will feel tired and not closely related with what’s actually going on in the present moment.
Now what?
It’s easy, especially when you’re tired, to default to CMS. It takes rest, self-reflection, and self-care to stay open to growing more confident and being relevant in your current conversations. Here are a few ways to keep building confidence, rather than slipping into CMS. The following are not revolutionary. You’ve probably heard them all before. The question is: are you doing them?
Do some writing — every day. You might be amazed how your own flaws in thinking appear on the page in ways they never would if you just keep your thoughts locked up in your hidden brain. In as little as five minutes a day, you will benefit hugely by doing some free writing. Think of it as a brain dump.
Get yourself an accountability partner. You can ask just about anyone you trust to call you on your CMS, who will also challenge you to stay open to growth and confidence. All it takes is asking. You might be surprised how open others are to daily check-ins, especially if you are willing to give them honest feedback as well.
Read. Get yourself a good book which will challenge your thinking, and read it!
Listen to other points of view. Are you confusing confirmation bias for a lack of listening? Make a point of actually listening to others who have opinions different from your own.
Eat well. Especially when you’re busy or stressed, it’s easy to default to foods which are ultra-processed, rather than taking time to prepare whole foods.
Get some exercise. It’s amazing how closely related your brain health is with your physical movement. Weight bearing and aerobic exercise are best, but at least get yourself out for a walk or short bike ride to keep your blood flowing!
The takeaway:
Starting today:
Ask yourself: “Am I confusing closed mindset for confidence?” Watch out for a CMS masquerading as confidence. Then, check for freshness and relevance whenever you speak (or your text or email or get on social…) And remember the importance of self-care 🍃