Better listening improves everything, including your confidence.
Why? Because listening connects you with what’s actually going on in real time. And because when you stop and think about it, part of the reason why you don’t feel confident right now is because you don’t feel heard. And paradoxically part of the reason you don’t feel heard is because you’re not listening.
But why don’t you listen?
There are many reasons why you don’t listen as well as you could. Let’s take a look at a few of those reasons in this brief confidence booster, and then give you some options for learning to become a better listener.
1. You don’t feel heard yourself.
You may be in a relationship where your listening partner isn’t listening.
And this could be at work or in your personal life.
I used to feel terrible when I’d be at the office and didn’t feel heard. Whether it was when we were having annual reviews, or when I thought I deserved a raise or some kind of recognition, or just in the day in and day out.
And you know what? It made me angry to not be heard. So I put up walls to defend my hurt feelings. And you know what happened next. I’d come home in a steam about work and that would bleed over into my time at home with those I love. And you won’t be too surprised to hear what happened after that. I was convinced that my partner wasn’t listening to me, only to find out that actually I hadn’t been all that communicative with her. Which also made me listen less well than I wish I had. Oh, sure: I’d nod and say yeah, uh-huh. But I wasn’t actually listening. And when I didn’t listen to her, she listened less to me and didn’t press for details about why I was being so quiet.
You see the cycle, right? Maybe you have some version of this happening in your own life.
2. You’re tired.
After awhile, you just get tired of the whole thing.
It builds up, doesn’t it? After years of not being heard, you begin to shut down in ways you never did as a kid. Remember when you were a kid? Your ears were open to everything. You heard much better then, because you hadn’t been un-listened to as much and hadn’t yet developed the habit of not listening yourself. The world was still new and full of possibilities.
But now, you’re pretty worn out and worn down. Change that this year!
Make listening one of your atomic habits.
Atomic habits are small, powerful habits that change us from the inside out.
Plan this year, starting today, to make a point of listening better. Listen at work. You might be surprised. When you listen better, you’ll find ways of engaging with everyone from that really irksome person you have to work with to your boss and beyond. When you pay attention, you’ll find all kinds of ways to engage better with those you’re with.
But why, in the final analysis, does listening make you more confident? Here’s why. When you listen better you will find yourself more connected with what is going on around you, in real time. And when that happens, you’ll find yourself engaging with others in an entirely different way. Instead of being that hurt, misunderstood person you’ve grown into, you may find yourself speaking up more, sharing the good stuff you have in you to share. And when you do that, you will undoubtedly find that others are suddenly much more interested in what you have to say.
The takeaway:
Better listening improves every relationship and helps you find your confident voice to speak up, to be heard and appreciated.