With all the stresses in daily life, why even try to stay together?
First — is it worth it?
So let’s say you work hard every day.
You do your best out in the world.
But when you get home, what do you find?
The dogs still need to be walked.
No one has made any dinner.
The toilet still needs to be scrubbed.
And on top of all this, your partner is in an entirely different frame of mind than you are.
Don’t you wonder sometimes if it’s even worth it?
So let’s take a look at how to stay together with your partner — even when you don’t feel like it.
In this short article, we’ll look at three concrete steps you can take today to keep your relationship alive.
1. Decide.
Why Stay Together?
The first question you need to look at is whether you even want to stay together.
Now, you may object that this is a waste of time — but bear with me.
Many men never actually face this crucial question in any explicit way.
It’s just assumed.
And you know what they say about any time you assume, right?
And yet until you face this crucial decision, everything that follows will be on shaky ground.
When you consciously make the decision to stay in the relationship, rather than just biding your time, the relationship becomes more focused in your mind — more powerful.
So — if you’ve decided to stay with your partner and make the relationship work — read on.
2. Speak A Common Language.
You have probably heard of the concept of love languages.
And you may have even heard of, or read the book, The Five Love Languages, which was the book that got the conversation going.
Further, you may even know that the five love languages are:
- Words of Affirmation
- Quality Time
- Receiving Gifts
- Acts of Service
- Physical Touch
The question is: are you making any real effort to speak the love language of your partner?
If you’ve decided to stay together, speak to your partner in a language your partner understands.
Then ask yourself: what is my love language, and am I sharing my love language with my partner?
Moreover, am I allowing my partner to get through to me in a language that I appreciate and understand?
3. Negotiate.
So let’s say you actually do want to continue the relationship and you are working on speaking in a language that your partner understands.
If so, then move on to the third step — negotiation.
Life — and your love life — is a negotiation.
If you want to have a good relationship, you’ve got to learn to negotiate from the standpoint of interests rather than from the standpoint of positions.
Interests motivate people; they are the silent movers behind the confusion of positions.
- So your position is something you have decided upon.
- But your interests are what caused you to decide.
For example, a position would be “If you won’t have children with me I won’t marry you.”
But put another way, as an interest: “I want a relationship with someone who wants to raise children together.”
Remember that the most powerful interests are basic human needs.
When you search for the basic interests behind declared positions, look particularly for those bedrock concerns that motivate each of you.
Finally, if you can take care of your partner’s basic needs, you increase the chance of reaching agreement that you’ll both be happy with.
And remember — basic human needs include:
- Security
- Economic well-being
- A sense of belonging
- Recognition
- Control over one’s life
That’s it.
Good luck:-)
That’s me, Mark Newton, saying goodbye for now.
As always, if you want to discuss this further, just write to me at mark@marknewtonpdx.com. I’ll be happy to respond.