You’re overthinking it again. Stop beating around the bush and say what you mean. Here’s how.
You don’t know.
There’s an old Joe Jackson song whose main lyric is:
You can’t get what you want, ’til you know what you want.
This is actually your main problem: you’re beating around the bush because you don’t really know what you want. Why don’t you know? Because you haven’t taken the time to figure it out. Why haven’t you taken the time to figure it out?
Because you don’t think you’re worth it.
LoSE is in your way.
Low self-esteem (LoSE) really slows you down. It’s like the difference between walking in the open air, and walking waist-deep in a swimming pool.
There’s too much drag on your mind. Like the analogy of walking in a swimming pool, LoSE slows down your brain. How? It becomes a filter through which everything (and I mean everything) has to pass. Which creates a bottle neck in your thinking and feeling.
All of which means you are not at your best. And when you’re not at your best, you fake it. You stall for time. Instead of saying what you really mean, you beat around the bush. This has to stop!
But what can you do?
Write it down.
Write. Yep, good old writing.
Start with a simple prompt:
“What’s bugging me?”
You’ll be amazed at what is there, right below the surface. Things at work, things at home. As your pen or pencil or fingers on the keyboard move, words will emerge that may surprise you. And as these words emerge, you will realize that under your LoSE is a clear want.
Next: look at the opposite of what you don’t want. Let’s say, for example, that as you write you discover that you don’t like the disrespect you’re getting at work. The opposite of that is — you want and deserve respect at work.
When you get a realization like that, the trick is to stop and actually say out loud what you just realized: “I want more respect at work.”
And now you are on your way to regaining your self-esteem. When you say what you actually want out loud to yourself, your self hears you and realizes that you are, in fact, worthy of getting more respect at work. Which is the beginning of the way back to confidence. There’s an old saying:
The revealing of feeling is the beginning of healing.
You will soon be ready to say what you mean to someone other than yourself, instead of beating around the bush. Now that you know it, and feel it to be true, we can work on getting you to speak your mind more clearly and directly in any situation.
If you want to speak up clearly, make the time to figure out what you want.
Want more help?
I can help you speak up and say what you mean.