Why is it so hard to change a habit?

You want to change a habit. But so far, you haven’t been able to make significant change, even though you’ve listened to the podcasts and the audio books. Why not?

Center your actions in want, not should.

I talk with men every day who want to change their habits. It won’t surprise you to hear the single most often stated reason to change: “I should…”

But should is weak. The definition of the word itself is:

“…used to indicate obligation, duty, or correctness, typically when criticizing someone’s actions.” (Oxford languages)

In other words, should is somebody else’s idea of correctness. If you’re familiar with the work we do here at Overcoming Gravity, you know that one of the main things we work on to make significant change is to address your NUTs (Your Negative Unconscious Thoughts).

Should is a NUT! It’s running in the background of your mind almost all the time, and you are actively rebelling against it! You’re a creative guy who doesn’t like being told what to do. So what do you do? You rebel against your own best intentions, because your intentions are based in “should.”

Make the shift.

Moving from should to want is a subtle, but essential, shift. For example: Let’s say you tell me, “I should pick my clothes up off the floor.” My  question to you would be: “Who says so?” And then you might say something like, “Well, everybody knows you’re supposed to pick up your clothes.”

“But you aren’t picking them up, are you?” I might respond. And then you might laugh and say, “Well, no…” And then, I might say, “So: What do you want? Do you want piles of clothes on your floor?

The point is, center your actions in want. (If you don’t want piles of clothes on your floor, pick them up because of what you want, not because of what you should, do.)

Do it again.

Remember, confidence comes with repetition. This is also how habits are formed: with repetition. So let’s say you decide to pick your clothes up off the bedroom floor today. The question is, will you do it again tomorrow, and the next day?

The takeaway:

If you want to change a habit, keep it in want rather than in should. Want is much stronger, personal, and effective.

Read more.

I can help you say what you want and help you follow through.

And you have a couple of options for your next step. You could contact me and describe what you’re going through. And I’ll be in touch with suggestions. Or you can book a free session to make a time to get together and talk it over in person. Either way, I’m here to help you focus, overcome resistance, and get moving again.