Everything — from getting paid to getting laid — is a negotiation. Which is why you don’t have what you want. Because you give. And then you give some more. And then — you give up. But you haven’t yet learned the art of dogging it.
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You’re not alone.
In fact, most men aren’t very good at getting what they want. Partly, because we don’t like to think about life as a negotiation. And partly because we haven’t paid enough attention to our dogs.
Try dogging it.
Have you ever notice how your dog gets what he wants from you? He just keeps asking. And looking and licking and groaning. And then asking some more. In other words, your dog gets what he wants by over-communicating. And making his interests clear. Walk me? Feed me? In fact, if you were half as persistent as your dog, and clearly communicated your interests, you’d be a millionaire and have everything you want. And — you’d have someone to feed you and walk you and pick up your poop. But unlike your dog, you get tired of asking. Instead, you wish the people in your life would just “get it.”
Persistence pays off.
But they don’t, do they? They don’t just get it. And you think you’ve been clear. When, in reality, you are probably under-communicating by a factor of at least 50%.Think about it. How persistent are you, really? I mean, you’re pretty good at taking a position and pouting when people don’t get it. But can you imagine what would happen if your dog said to you, “I want my dinner by 6 p.m. or I’m not going to eat it.” That’s an example of a position. But here’s the difference between a position and an interest. According to William Ury, in his book, Getting to Yes, Your position is something you have decided upon, while your interests are what have caused you to decide. And Ury claims that the most powerful interests are:
- Security
- Economic well-being
- A sense of belonging
- Recognition
- Control over your life.
Try it.
Think of something you want. Then, stand back and run it through the interest mill. What are your interests behind the position of what you want? And then — let those interests propel you into the realm of persistence. Let your powerful interests build a fire in your belly that will keep you focused to stay with it until you get what you came for. And let me know if you want more help with this. I’m easily reachable at mark@marknewtonpdx.com.
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