What happened to your get up and go — your “drive,” or “calling,” or “mission,” or “purpose,” or whatever you want to call it; that state of mind where you are at your best and doing what you are best at, and at the highest possible level of expertise and joy?
It’s buried under distraction.
You’ve said “yes” to far too many things that are not your “Yes!” If you want to recover your drive, it’s going to take a lot more “no” on your part. Say it with me: No! Uh-uh. No way man! Get off my Yes!
It’s going to take focus and courage on your part to say yes to your Yes! and no to the rest.
You’re way too nice.
At least ten times too nice. Why? Because you’re smart and creative and caring. All good things, in and of themselves. But which lead to a crippling character flaw: You’re too willing. You’re like the guy with the pickup truck that everyone wants to borrow. You do so many things so well, people natually want to “borrow you,” to help them out with their stuff. And you’re there to help them out. Isn’t that nice? Sure, it’s nice. But what about your own drive? What about where you want to go today?
Here’s the trap: You think if you’re nice, good things will follow. The world will be a more peaceful, kind place. And to some degree, you’re right, and your scheme works. You go out of your way to do thoughtful things for the people in your family and maybe at work, too.
But beware! You are setting a trap for yourself — a perfect storm of human drama. Why? For two reasons:
- You’re avoiding conflict.
- You’re ignoring your own Yes!
Nice is a cover-up.
If you were to assess your own niceness, you might find that your sunny, helpful demeanor is actually a cover up to avoid the pain of genuine disagreement. For example: You do more than your fair share of busy-work. Underneath that cheerful helpfulness is a NUT: A negative unconscious thought: which might be, for example: If I do these nice things, maybe they won’t notice the other things I’m not doing (like not making enough money, or not painting the porch, or you name it!) Or: If I say nice things, maybe I won’t have to tell them what I actually think.
Time to get in and drive.
Remember that the opening is the way. Instead of avoiding conflict, say yes to your Yes! more often, even if it causes disagreement. For example: If you’ve been sitting in those endless meetings with the gathered mass of time-wasters, speak up with what you really think. (Which means saying no to just going along with the crowd.) We need to hear your clear voice!. Your Yes! is what is missing in that moment: the spice in the soup, the drop of rain on parched soil, the laughter in the midst of the gloom. Your Yes! is that important, and we’re not going to hear it unless you say no to clamming up under the guise of Mr. Nice Guy.
You’re saying yes to far too many things that are not your Yes! If you’re going to recover your drive, it’s going to take a lot more “no” to the many things which are not your Yes!
Want more help?
I can help you say yes to your Yes! and no to the rest.
And you have a couple of options for your next step. You could contact me and describe what you’re going through. And I’ll be in touch with suggestions. Or you can book a free session to make a time to get together and talk it over in person. Either way, I’m here to help you focus, overcome resistance, and get moving again.