Why is it so hard to make the right decision?
Making the right decision has always been difficult for you, in part because you care so much. Maybe too much. And it’s great that you care. There is a world of uncaring scratching at your door every day.
However: too much misdirected caring can make decision-making almost impossible. Why? Because you keep too many balls in the air as you struggle to decide. It’s like swatting at mosquitos with a toothpick.
What can you do?
The Rule of Two
The Road Not Taken
Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,And sorry I could not travel bothAnd be one traveler, long I stoodAnd looked down one as far as I couldTo where it bent in the undergrowth;Then took the other, as just as fair,And having perhaps the better claim,Because it was grassy and wanted wear;Though as for that the passing thereHad worn them really about the same,And both that morning equally layIn leaves no step had trodden black.Oh, I kept the first for another day!Yet knowing how way leads on to way,I doubted if I should ever come back.I shall be telling this with a sighSomewhere ages and ages hence:Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—I took the one less traveled by,And that has made all the difference.
How does this poem help us?
Your partner is yelling at you. I realize this may seem like an extreme example, but bear with me.
Okay. So — your partner is yelling at you. You can do the fight/flight/freeze thing which is your natural go to, without actually making a conscious decision, or you can choose the branching method in Frost’s poem.
So: as your partner is yelling, you think: “What are my two options here?” You might come up with “Stay or Go?” Let’s say you decide to stay. Then the question becomes, “How am I going to stay?” Again, lay two options before you: For example: “I could be silent or speak up.” If you decide to speak up, lay down two more options in front of you: “I could yell back, or I could choose to speak my peace, peacefully and reasonably.”
You see where I’m going with this. What you have done is start a mental map with diverging paths, which will lead you onto two more diverging paths, and so on, until you come to a place where you feel solid, and are more present. You’ve moved from information overload to a clear path of decision-making.
As you practice this method, you will become better and more confident about your decisions, and be able to retrace your steps when you wonder: How did I get here?
Remember: Confidence comes with repetition!
Give yourself a reliable structure for making decisions, and then use it to gain confidence in decision-making.
Just for fun:-)
Want more help?
I can help you make the right decision consistently.