Where do you find real confidence?

Have you ever found yourself amazed by the live performance of a musician, or by someone else who is able to do marvelously well what they do — seemingly without effort? If so, then you have witnessed real confidence. But how do you get some of that for yourself? 

Start with What.

What do you want to be confident at? Perhaps you’d like to parent with confidence. Or become that leader or lover you’ve always wanted to be.

In whatever area you wish to excel, if you want to be truly confident, you’ve got to put in your time with focused practice and repetition.

Choose.

Confidence comes with repetition. The challenge is to choose something, and then get in your reps, because you are not going to be truly confident at everything. There are not enough ticks on the clock in any one life time for that. 

So we’re back to What. Specifically what do you want to be truly confident at? And keep in mind, we are not talking about bravado or posing. We are talking about having that genuine, natural flow and ease while excelling at something. This is what real confidence is all about.

You know how unappealing that poser is at work? (even if it’s you!) People pretend to be confident all the time, when actually, they aren’t. And it comes off feeling weird, right?

That’s not what we are talking about here. 

But how do you choose?

This is the million dollar question: Of all the things you could choose, what do you actually want to be genuinely confident at?

And here is where a lot of creative men get stuck. Because as a creative man, you are able to hold so many possible options in your head at one time, you get paralysis by analysis.

How can you break through this paralysis? We talked about this last week, but here is a quick refresher:

You lay two options side by side, choosing one of the two, repeating that process until you come to what feels like the best choice with the time you have.

For example:

Maybe what you want real confidence in is parenting. You have tried and tried to be that parent you’d like to be, but you still lose your sh*t with the kids at the end of the day when they won’t go to bed.

Now, set this beside another option. You could leave becoming a genuinely confident parent for someone who has kids, for example! And choose: “I want to be a truly confident lover.” Or, “I want to be an amazing oil painter!” Continue the process until you find that one thing that really resonates as the right choice.

Choose something! The only wrong choice is no choice. Unless you make the time to choose, you face falling into the trap so many do:

“Many people die with their music still in them. Too often it is because they are always getting ready to live. Before they know it time runs out.”

― Oliver Wendall Holmes

It takes focus.

Please listen to this short talk (about 15 minutes). Then come right back for today’s Takeaway.

The takeaway:

Choose something at which to be truly confident. And then get busy doing it. Over and over and over…

Read more.

I can help you choose what you want to be truly confident at, and get in your reps.