If you’re focused on what you can’t do, you will become weaker. Instead, choose where you want to grow, and focus on it.
The part of you that is struggling to grow is tender. Maybe even aching, like that memory of rejection or the lack of fulfillment that is making you angry or ashamed about something that may have happened long ago, or maybe just happenend.
Your tendency is to lick your wounds. And there is a time and a place for that. But there is also a time to stop focusing on the things that haven’t gone right so far, and plant something new.
Focus on that.
Instead of focusing on how rude your partner was last night, focus on what you actually want. Let’s say you were out last night getting a bite to eat. And your partner wouldn’t get off her phone. And you thought: “I really wish you’d get off your phone.” What if, in that moment, instead of focusing on how upset you are that she’s being rude, you said to her, “You have beautiful eyes.” Because she really does have lovely eyes and what you want is to see them look up from her phone and see you and connect with you. This kind of shift can change the conversation, and change your focus.
What do you want?
That’s the real question. But it’s hard work to figure out what you want and go for it. And you feel like you’re already behind, and how can I change this thing about me that got me here in the first place? Blah, blah, blah.
You can make excuses if you want, or you can shift your focus away from that feeling of failure that’s killing you to really look at what you want — and focus on it. Because what you focus on grows, whether it’s good or bad. Choose wisely what you focus on.
When you’re feeling bad, consider shifting your focus from what you don’t want to what you do want — and acting on that.
Want more help?
I can help you shift your focus.