You think you’re listening — when what you’re actually doing is getting ready to talk.
You think you’re listening.
After all, you do hear sound coming your direction.
But are you actually paying attention? Probably not. And while you’re not alone — (93% of men are poor listeners) — You could benefit greatly from learning to listen.
Why does it matter?
Please listen carefully to the next few words. Because if you want someone else to hear you — Then you need to learn to pay attention to them.
You want to be heard, right?
Of course you do. And yet — You’re keeping others from hearing you — By not really leaning in and hearing them.
Think about it.
After all, you know when someone isn’t paying attention to you, don’t you?
Yes. So do you think you’re fooling them when you don’t listen to them? Come on.
Be selfish.
That’s right — selfishness.
And that might sound crude — But you know it’s true. You want what you want. And one thing you want is to be heard. So use this motive — being heard — To actually pay attention to the person you’re with.
To become a better listener — Don’t waste your time trying to be altruistic. Just use the course of action that comes naturally to you.
Here’s how it works.
So the next time you’re in a conversation that you care about — Care about having the other person hear you. That’s right — focus on your own selfishness.
And strangely enough, as you enter the conversation wanting someone else to hear you, your empathy for yourself will help you win the day. Because as you enter the conversation wanting the other person to hear you — You’ll realize that if you want to be heard, that you have to hear what the other person has to say.
It’s counter-intuitive, but it works.
I know, it sounds counter-intuitive. But as you focus on the other person as you would want them to focus on you — Something close to miraculous happens.
You’ll actually hear the other person better — In other words, you’ll be listening — And then, when it’s your turn to speak — they might actually hear you, too.
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