Do you aim to please others? No wonder you’re stuck in the middle again. Let’s get you out of that precarious spot.
Are you a pleaser?
Do you go out of your way to make others feel comfortable? Let’s say you’re at home, and you sense some tension there. Do you tend to smooth over the differences that cause discomfort?
Why do you do that? It might be for any number of reasons:
- You’re trying to be kind.
- You don’t like arguments.
- Do you become anxious when there is tension in the air?
Here’s the problem.
When you try to smooth things over, you’re only delaying consequences. Whatever is happening will find a way around your attempts to cover up the uncomfortable feelings.
It’s hard on you. What you end up doing is taking on the brunt of the problem, because now you have to fix the problem yourself or pretend the problem isn’t there. Which means that you probably aren’t sleeping very well at night.
By avoiding conflict, you’ve only delayed solving the real problem.
Just say it.
When conflict comes, say what you think. Rather than hiding and smoothing, face the difficulty — without being an asshole.
That’s part of the problem, isn’t it? You don’t want to be an asshole. You want to be bigger than that. And you can. You can say what you think without being a dick.
Sharpen your communications skills.
The real challenge is to be honest in real time. Say how you feel without losing your shit. You can do this, and it’s going to take some practice. It’s going to take some confidence building. And remember: confidence comes with repetition.
Let’s get started.
Here’s a short song by Stealers Wheel, (about 4 minutes long) just for fun. Then come right back for today’s takeaway.
When you avoid conflict, you get yourself stuck in the middle. Let’s get to work on your communication skills.
Want more help?
I can help you communicate clearly — so you don’t get stuck in the middle (again).