How to choose — when you have a lot to lose

It’s hard enough to choose when not much is on the line. But how can you decide when it really matters?

Tired of procrastinating?

Sick and tired of procrastinating? As a creative guy, the simple act of choosing is one of your most painful and difficult tasks. While those around you seem to be moving rather easily through their options, you can’t make up your mind. And since you can’t decide, you can’t move ahead. It’s infuriating — why can’t I decide? You can’t decide because you’re too smart for your own good. Because your intelligence — which should be helping you — is actually hurting you, by giving you too many good options. And all of them have merit. “But I don’t have time for this,” you say. So what can you do? Well, for starters, you can remember who you are. Which at first may seem obvious, and then ridiculous, and then — confusing. But stay tuned — unless you want to stay stuck.

Choose yourself.

Because should is a killer. Have noticed that when you’re trying to decide something — anything — you will often hear, playing in the background, a host of “shoulds?” For example: Should I choose this one, or that one? Should I stay, or should I go? What should I do? Sound familiar? Those shoulds are a big reason why you can’t decide. Because in addition to holding way too many options in your head, you also care way too much about what others think about your decision. So first, notice this about yourself. Because whenever you hear a “should” in your head, you’re hearing someone else’s voice. Could be your mom. Or it could be someone else. Just realize that when you hear should — it’s coming from outside of you. And to help with this problem, start listening to want instead of should.

What do I want?

This is the shift that will move you from procrastination to proactively moving forward. Because when you shift from should to want, you engage a different part of your brain. You shift from outside authority to inside authority. And notice that the word authority has at its root the word, “author.” After all — who’s telling this story, anyway? If someone outside of you is telling your story, you’ll always be second guessing them. What do they want? What do they think I should do? But if you are the author of your own story, you get to choose. So ask, “What do I want?” And then, don’t punt. Actually consider what you want. Because if it’s you, instead of your mother or your father or your sister or your brother deciding, you know what you want. It may take some practice, but you do know what you want. So don’t punt.

Still stuck?

So use this method of decision making. Not only for the little ordinary things, but for the big important things. And realize that the more often you practice this for the little things, the more ready you’ll be to choose when it really matters. Just ask, “What do I want?” And see how that simple question has the power to move you into a different part of your heart and mind, and to move you ahead. And if you’ve tried that and you still feel stuck, drop me a line at mark@marknewtonpdx.com. Or book a free 30 minute session so we can get you moving. As a men’s life coach, I work with creative, stuck men every day who have trouble choosing which one of their many options is the best one.

Read more.

I'm here to help you focus, overcome resistance, and get moving again.